Monday, April 23, 2012

BRAINS.....

I am still not where I want to be.

I have worked my butt off just to get this far.

It's not enough.

I want more.

My life is far from the dreams I once had as a little girl. So. Freakin. Far. Off.

I wanted to be a rock star, or an architect, or an artist. But none of those dreams came true. At least not yet. And I know for sure that I will never be an architect, because I hate math and it hates me back.

Sunday, April 1, 2012

ERGGH.

The least you could do is send me a giant jar of Vaseline.

Thanks for bending me over dry.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

I DON'T OWE YOU

Laugh, cry or scream? Over the past couple of weeks I feel like I have been taken advantage of, walked on, and drug behind the bumper of a car by a chain. Everyone in my life feels I owe them something. I OWE them....
Oh gee, your house is for sale so I am the one who needs to buy it? Really? I hate your house. The kitchen is tiny and all your carpets are old and smell like dog poop. Not to mention there aren't enough bedrooms and it's on a busy street where I don't want to live. I apologize. I'm also sorry I didn't want to buy any of your fake crappy jewelry at Christmas. I don't wear jewelry. If I did, it wouldn't be the shit you were trying to pawn off on me. And your quote "I know you have a ton of money - you must be rollin' in it!" ummmmm no. I'm not. I have bills to pay just like everyone else. Actually, I am barely keeping my head above water. So please stop with it already.
And you. Sorry that everyone else in your life has either handed you money, co-signed your loans, paid your bills or otherwise bailed you out of the mess you have created out of your life. Sorry I don't have time to come help you get your land ready to move in your new house, or whatever else it is you think I should have done for you. I have a job I have to go to every day. When I am done I am tired. Oh and you know - I have a family to take care of too. I haven't had people bending over backwards for me my whole life, so I have to do things for myself. I know you don't understand that concept, but it's how most people have to go through life. I'm sure your little plaque with all the names of all the people who have contributed to your getting what you want once again will look great - with my name missing from it. Shut up. I don't feel sorry for you. Get a job.
Oh landlord - you are a greedy bastard aren't you? Why do you think I should pay you more rent for this house? You won't fix anything, I have had to live without the heat and AC I have been paying for, and again the bathroom is sinking into the pit beneath it. The roof is falling apart and rain is getting in. Why on earth??? I see the photos of your vacations on facebook, the crap your wife buys off the group site. You claimed the taxes went up - but a quick peek at county records show that they actually went down. Fuck you.
I just could go on, but I don't have the time. I have to go to my JOB..... Jezus.....



Saturday, February 11, 2012

GONE TO SHIT....

Got in a car wreck. Got the whiplash. Back hurts, missed work, but back again. Got a letter from the landlord yesterday. Of course it's a rent increase letter. Exceptin' I still don't have heat, don't have AC, bathroom is falling in again, roof leaking again, water heater falling in again.... cuz you know - floors need replaced and such - oh and the bathtub is now falling apart. I called him and asked him if he planned on fixing anything. He says: "I haven't heard from you for 2 years!" and I'm like: "You must have forgotten that last Christmas you were over here letting us know that your appraiser would be stopping by for a visit, and telling us how we needed to hide the space heaters." And of course we talked about allllllll the stuff then and you said you would get to it some time...... uhhhh huh.

Found out that thanks to my new job.... I owe $1200 in State and Federal taxes this year. On top of what we already paid in. Yay. You folks enjoy those $10,000 tax refunds now.... have fun on your cruise, and I hope you like your new 50billion inch TV. Consider it a gift. From me. FUCK!

Been going to physical therapy. Not working. Costs a lot though.

My best friends Dad is passing. He may have gone in the night, don't know yet. Hospice has been caring for him, and she called me last night to let me know that he's en route to eternity. She was there for me every waking minute of every single day when my Dad took his journey. I have to work all the time, so I can't even return her love and caring. This aches me.

I have to/get to go to California next week. I leave on Wednesday and won't be back until Saturday night. My first business trip ever. I am trippin' a little on the plane thing. Ok, a lot on the plane thing. Stupid, I know. I will be in Orange County, right by Laguna Beach. The last time I was in California, I was not too far away, in Long Beach, only then I was homeless and sleeping underneath a bridge. This should be a step up, since this time I will be staying at the Hilton....

So much for the whole "positive 2012 goal" eh?


Saturday, January 21, 2012

We live in a cold dark world with venom in it's fangs.
You can spit it in my face but I know I'll be ok
It's on the attack. It's a war, It's a game.
A ball and chain chew my arm off to get away
Don't fight, or it deny it, invite it cause when it ..

Feels like a kick in the teeth, I can take it.
Throw your stones and you won't see me break it.
Say what you want, take your shots.
You're setting me free with one more kick in the teeth
(Na na na na na)
Kick in the Teeth (na na na na na na)

I gotta say thanks cause you kick me when im down
I'm bleeding out the mouth.
I hope you know I'm stronger now.
I'm taking the hate, I'm turning it all around.
I wont go down 'til I'm six feet underground.
Dont fight, or it deny it, invite it, cause when it ...

Feels like a kick in the teeth, I can take it.
Throw your stones and you won't see me break it.

Say what you want, take your shots.
You're setting me free with one more kick in the teeth
(na na na na na )
Kick in the teeth (na na na na na)

What doesnt kill me only, will make me stronger in my head
In my head

Cause when it
Feels like a kick in the teeth, I can take it.
Throw your stones and you won't see me break it.
Say what you want, take your shots
You're setting me free with one more kick in the teeth
(na na na na na )
Kick in the teeth
(na na na na na)
Say what you want. Take your shots.
You're setting me free with one more kick in the. teeth
(na na na na na)
Kick in the teeth (na na na na na)
Kick in the teeth (na na na na na)
Kick in the teeth (na na na na na)

~Papa Roach~
Kick In The Teeth

Sunday, October 23, 2011

BLAH BLAH BLUB


oOo

Eeets a tree. A bokeh tree. Mmm hmmm.

A trip down memory lane. Brought desire for olden times. Si!
I miss the craazie people.
We used to have so much fun!!

Sunday Sucks.


Wednesday, September 7, 2011

WHY?


Why do people have to be so unkind to one another? We only get one journey through this life, and I think it's too short to be so mean and hateful. I just don't understand it......


Wednesday, August 31, 2011

IT MUST BE MONDAY.....

I have an asstastic zit right on the top of my nose. (Thank you for that new word Miss Nikki...) I thought this issue would have disappeared with menopause. I guess not. So now I get to go to work like this - looking like Rudolph. Yay....
It's going to be another 1100000 degree day outside. Looking forward to that too. I have been struggling with wanting to move from this house - I don't really want to face another winter with no heat. I wish I could just bottle up the crap that's happening outside and just release a gallon of it every couple of days when it's cold out. I have even thought about just buying one of those pentair heat pumps myself, and then taking it with us when we move. If we ever move. There is really nothing any better to rent in this town. An apartment I guess. But I love my neighbors, love my yard, and holy cow do I have a ton of junk to move when I do. Six years of life - not looking forward to packing that up......


Such random things that run through my head at 4 am.... missing my Dad. The butterflies are here, and it's almost been 2 years now since he's been gone. I wish I could tell him all this stuff - on the porch, watching the sun come up, with coffee. Like the good ol' days....