Public school failed my daughter many years ago when she first started high school. Today she is packing up the laptop, headphones, mic, and flash drive - all from the online home school project, and sending it back. She's done. I guess I have failed her too, because nothing I do seems to get through to her when it comes to school work. She was doing fine in all of her classes except English, and no amount of me riding her behind could have forced her to read Shakespeare. She's going to make the appointment today to take the G.E.D. test, and just be done with it all. I told her that she can't move out of this house without a diploma or the other, so this is what she has chosen. I am a little sad, as I had hoped she would do better than I did, reach higher, go further. At her age I was in lock-up, not too much later a mom myself, to her. She is also working full time right now and trying to save up the money she needs to start her own life. Already, life has taught her the hard lesson about money - there's never enough of it. I am trying my best to get her to at least go to college here and get the first two years out of the way while living at home. I just don't want her to end up like me, ya know? I do know that as a parent, there is only so much I can do, that kids will come to a point where they know what choices they want to make on their own, and she has made hers. Three generations of women who walked away for one reason or another, who never got to walk across the stage and get that high school diploma. I do know in my heart that the choice to let her leave the public school was the right one. She is a much happier person for it for sure. At our college, her disabilities will be taken seriously, and she will be able to get the help she needs to succeed there such as tutors, and more time to get things done. So maybe I will just have to wait to see my beautiful child walk, until she graduates with an Associates. Maybe her path is supposed to be different. Only time will tell, but I love her so much, and worry about her to the point it makes my heart hurt. I can't believe she is almost 18 years old, and I can't believe her childhood time with me is almost over. The only thing I can do now is hope and pray that I have been a good mom to her....
2 comments:
You have been a wonderful mom, never doubt that. I have faith that she'll be fine and make well thought out choices. Remember that letting them leave the nest doesn't mean losing them. Stand behind her in the ways you always have and you both will be fine.
Big hugs to you both!
First of all...I love your blogs. I've been spending some time reading and smiling.
Next...I was a smart but rebellious teenager, going to Xavier Catholic girls school in Phoenix. I got to graduate one year early because I went to school in PA first and somehow they taught more or better than AZ. My Mom was happy to not have to pay tuition, but unhappy that I would be so uppity as to graduate early. I dropped out of UofA within the first 3 months.
I'm 50 now. I have had an interesting and eclectic life and career. I've made a lot of money and then again, not so much. My parents were disappointed in me and I was declared as "lost." But I just didn't fit into any mold, and still don't.
Trust in the universe. Open your heart and mind. Let her find her way. It is very scary to let go. But in reality, you have no choice. You can only be there, when she needs you. And when she does, you will feel honored that she asked.
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