DETOX

Day three. Having a little trouble sleeping is all. The dreams have returned in full force - so weird and strange and full of insanity that they wake me up. I do feel a little twitchy, not bad, but there has been some - lets say - digestive troubles... yeah. I don't feel like it's as bad by any means as coming off of the kolonopin was a couple years ago. That was a nightmare. I took one ativan yesterday, and hopefully I can get to a point where I carry them around and only take them when completely necessary. Like - for a full on attack I can't talk myself down from.
I know some folks are worried, but don't be. It's really going to be fine. I figure that of all the things I have accomplished over the last few years, this is another step in the direction of living life to the fullest. I would rather not be dulled any more by the chemicals....

ULTRA VIOLET MOODS

I stopped taking the Trazadone. Cold turkey quit. I wish the Ativan was so easy, but there is no way. I already have the nice pimples sprouting up, the acne treatments going on, the screwed up ways food tastes when you add or subtract a nice chemical from your body.... but it's going to be fine. I want my creativity back, I want to feel it all, I want to see with an unobstructed mind.... no more of this medication will solve all of your problems bull I have been force fed for all of these years.... people feel because it's normal. It's nature. It's human...

YEAH - IT'S ONE OF THOSE DAYS.....

Dig bury me underneath
Everything that I am rearranging
Dig bury me underneath
Everything that I was slowly changing

I would love to beat the face,
Of any mother fucker that's thinkin' they can change me,
White knuckles grip pushing through for the gold,
If you're wantin' a piece of me I broke the mother fuckin' mold,
I'm drowning in your wake
Shit rubbed in my face
Teething on concrete
Gums bleeding

Dig bury me underneath
Everything that I am rearranging
Dig bury me underneath
Everything that I was slowly changing

I struggle in violated space,
Sell out motherfuckers in the biz that try to fuck me,
Hang from their T's rated P.G. insight,
I ain't sellin' my soul when there's nothing to buy
I'm livid in my space
Pissing in my face
Fuck you while you try
To fuck me

Dig bury me underneath
Everything that I am rearranging
Dig bury me underneath
Everything that I was you ain't fuckin' changing me

Let me help you tie the rope around your neck,
Let me help to talk you the wrong way off the ledge,
Let me help you hold the glock against your head
Let me help you tie the rope around your neck,
Let me help to talk you the wrong way off the ledge,
Let me help you hold the glock against your head,
Let me help to chain the weights onto your legs
Get on the plank fuck

Dig bury me underneath
Everything that I am rearranging
Dig bury me underneath
Everything that I was slowly changing
Wish you were committing
Suicide suckin' on a mother fuckin' tailpipe
Dead man walking on a tight rope
Limbless in the middle of a channel bomb's away

I HAVE NOTHING TO BITCH ABOUT.....

Life is good at the moment. Staying busy, taking pictures, making art, the kids like school, I like school, the bills are mostly paid, and everyone has a full belly.....
I don't know why - but I shot this picture yesterday and it made me giggle hysterically! So like - whose on top? The boy or the girl? I say these are grasshoppers - Mar says they are locusts.... what's up with that??

We bought an $8 basketball the other night..... and I found out that I still got it in me!! Ok well except that whole running thing......

FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL!

Friday was the first day of school for the little ones and thank goodness they had a BLAST!! They both really like their teachers and I think they are going to have so much fun this year. Both of them were so insanely excited when they came home from school, I had to make them take turns telling me all about their day!
Halie's first few days have been a little bumpy, trying to get used to all the technology, but she is really doing well. Much better than what she experienced at public school. We need to get a large whiteboard or a cork board or something to keep track of her assignments, and probably a memory stick to save the big papers on while she's working on them. Not a huge expense, so it's all good.
We have been pretty busy so far this weekend, PPHead's brother and family is in town visiting. Last night we went swimming, and I got on a water slide for the first time in I don't know how many years! It was so much fun!!

END OF SUMMER

One last late summer night for the kids.... School starts for the little kids tomorrow. I can't believe the summer is officially over now. Makes me sad. Halie started classes yesterday and we found out we have to buy books and more things that were never mentioned when we applied. Go figure. But for her, it's either this, or the G.E.D., and she wants the high school diploma. Hopefully she will really buckle down and get some things accomplished. She only has 4 classes per day, so it should be much less stressful in the end of it all.
Last week we got to meet the little kids' teachers, and we are so excited about the year ahead. I think it is going to be so much fun, and soooooo much better than last year for Shane. We even signed up for the PTO (same as PTA) this year!
This weekend brings company from Arkansas, as PPHeads' brother and family are coming to visit. Should be fun.....

LOOK AT THESE NIPPLES!!

Before you ask - no that is not a case of acne by my son's eye - he got bit by something playing around in the garden and it swole up pretty big. Probably a mosquito I think.

We were out messing around in the garden and he was helping me pick the roma tomatoes and exclaims "Look at these nipples mom!" I was like whaaaa? I turn around and he's holding out a couple of the tomatoes that have a bit of a sharp end on them, just giggling his butt off. So this is what I have to look forward too with the boy creature eh?

I IZ A CHIKIN

For Mackey!

Halie found these on facebook, and showed them to me. I think they are just cute as can be! I know Mac loves them, so here you go! A CHIKIN!! LOL!

So tomorrow I go to the doctor and have decided to talk to him about the diet pills he has to offer. I'm just sick to death of looking. He has told me before that he runs this whole program, and you don't get to just take pills, you have to commit to the entire process. I think I am scared of that part. Or maybe just too lazy and unmotivated. It's much easier to talk about it and have good intentions. I just really like pasta. Oooh - and chocolate!!

HOW WAS YOUR WEEK?

My week was pretty uneventful, same old same old really. I took the two youngest kids to the doctor for their yearly check ups and did get some good news at least. Riley's hear murmur is no longer there - or so at least the doctor couldn't hear it anymore. He said she probably outgrew it. Now I hope that when she gets sick - it will still be gone. Doc always said it was "innocent" but as a mom it has always been something I worried about. Shane had weight loss of about 6 pounds, and has grown 3 inches since the last time we were there! He has always been off the little charts they have for growth, and now he has finally settled down into the norm. How he lost anything with the way he eats - I have no idea. I do know that I am going to have to get a job JUST to feed HIM when he is a teenager!!

This week is full of more doctor appointments, dentist, and shoe shopping, all to get ready to go back to school. The little ones start on the 15th - kinda silly since it's a Friday but oh well.

So how was your week?